In life, sometimes things just don’t work out and when it comes to getting a divorce, that’s precisely what it is. Divorce for me can be a uniquely different experience than it is for women. Traditionally men get less custody of the children, they generally pay more and in general receive a lot more of the short end of the stick.
Today, we’re going to discuss some tips for men that can make going through a divorce a little bit easier. Let’s jump right in.
You’re not getting everything you want. Prioritize.
The slam dunk best way to get yourself embroiled in an awful, lengthy, expensive, emotionally damaging divorce is going in with the mindset you’re getting everything you want. They’re always a blood bath. For both parties. And often – for people around you as well.
Especially with men – you’ll need to be judicious about what you want and what you don’t. Prioritize what you have and what the things are that are the most important to you. Which assets do you own? What does she own? What can be negotiated? What can’t? Having an idea of what you want in advance – even if you don’t share it with your wife – will make things easier for everyone.
Start big, work your way to the little
The biggest assets are often the most complex things to negotiate. We recommend that you start with major assets – the house, the cars and savings. From there, work to your specific priorities.
Also – anything that can get done and isn’t going to require legal wrangling – get it done and off the plate. Some divorce stalemates can be a little bit like that TV show American Pickers when they’d encounter a seller who was reluctant to part with much. They’d find a smaller thing that didn’t cost as much – and get that done to break the ice. Once you build some trust, other pieces can come into place.
Amicable divorces are not a myth
More often than not – the people most impacted by your split are not you and your soon-to-be-ex. It’s often your kids, but also the other people around you. The friendlier you can stay with your ex – the better off it’s going to be for everyone as they make the adjustment. Truth be told – there’s no damage-proof way of going through a divorce – but there are certainly a myriad of ways you can soften the impact.
You need to start thinking about the future. While divorces can feel all encompassing when you’re in them – life will carry on and so will you. What’s that future of yours going to look like? Sure – have a financial plan; a plan for your assets and the mundane nuts and bolts of what you want tomorrow to be. But also have an emotional one. This will be a big change and keeping yourself confident, happy and healthy is just as important as maintaining your 401k.
If you’re interested in learning more about divorce mediation, give us a call today an we’ll be happy to help. Until then – good luck!