Making the decision to get divorced is never an easy one. So many things can go wrong in a marriage – some within your control and many outside of it – and making sense of it can be frustrating and difficult. But once you make the decision, there’s no turning back. It’s time to prepare yourself.
And as difficult as divorce can be, there are a lot of things you can do to make things go more smoothly and make the transition for both you, your soon-to-be former spouse and your family as smooth as possible. While there’s a lot to divorce, we all have to start somewhere and today, we’re going to share a few tips to put you in the best possible position to start and hopefully end in a good place once all is said and done. Let’s jump right in.
Understand why the marriage is ending
While this isn’t necessarily legal advice, we encourage everyone who goes through a divorce to do some soul searching. Consider why the divorce is ending, what your role was in that and where you want to be mentally throughout all of this.
After all, it’s easy to blame the other person. But that’s not fair to either of you. When you throw all the blame in the opposite direction, you set yourself up as the victim and being the victim makes you deal from a place of powerlessness. To have a smooth divorce, you need to both be on solid, even ground.
Always keep lines of communication open
Staying in contact and having a rational dialogue is the best thing you can do to keep the peace. If you think that’s going to be a challenge, hire a mediator. They’ll be able to help you communicate more effectively and get right down to brass tacks.
And remember – perhaps the reason you’re getting divorced to begin with is because you struggled to communicate effectively. Take this as an opportunity for a life lesson in how to exchange information and communicate more effectively. And always think before you speak. So many things fly off the rails because we don’t consider the consequences of the words we speak to others. Be mindful of how you communicate at all times and it will make everything else easier. This is about achieving the best possible outcome for the both of you.
Don’t have knee jerk reactions to things
Divorce isn’t easy and we’re always under stress. Stress causes us to make snap decisions or poor decisions. Sometimes – your spouse might be pushing your buttons just to see what happens. When confronted with challenges – give it the time to think it through. “Let me get back to you on that’ is a perfectly acceptable answer. If you’re not comfortable on the spot – ‘let’s talk about it later’ works, too. Take your time, consider what’s impacted by a decision and respond accordingly.
So this week, we’re not coming at you with contract law, agreements and the like. We’re just here to help you consider three important things you can do and ways to carry yourself that will impact every other possible aspect of the divorce. Like we said above – you both just want this to end and get the best possible outcome for both of you. Come prepared, come measured and come ready to speak with a clear mind. Good luck!