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On divorce and kids

Topic: Divorce
Feb 27, 2022

Divorce isn’t an easy thing for anyone, but when kids are involved it brings with it a whole new, more sensitive layer to the proceedings. Especially when it comes down to how to split time between the two parents, things can get dicey and even messy. 

And after all – it doesn’t necessarily get messy because you might not like your soon to be ex. There are so many factors to consider – work schedule, living arrangement, new routines for kids, school and the like all make it virtually impossible to be even handed. That doesn’t mean, however – that things need to get ugly or can’t be resolved. Today, we’re going to talk about a few of the things you can do in order to make the process of determining custody a little bit easier. 

Communication

The first key to resolving any issue is communication. If you’re not being direct and honest, real, meaningful communication isn’t happening. Talk about what your days look like. Keep your feelings for your ex out of the equation and consider what’s in the best interests of your kids. Keep conversations on those terms – it’s something you both believe in and want – so working together to achieve that end is what’s going to be best. 

Hire a family attorney or mediator

This doesn’t mean drawing up some sort of imaginary battle lines – instead a divorce mediator or attorney can help provide actual structure to your agreements so that everything goes smoothly. They can help you hammer through issues, keep your emotions in check and focused on the task at hand. This is the best way to determine custody as quickly and as efficiently as possible. 

Be flexible

We all have routines and schedules in place. But some things need to be negotiable and as 

such, the best guarantee for a smoother transition lies in your ability to be flexible. As long as it works for you and your kids, there’s no reason something shouldn’t end up in your final custody agreement. And not everything has to be the law, either. If a child wants to spend more time with the other parent – let them. It’s ok to be flexible. This way, the whole transition becomes far less taxing on your children and helps everyone adjust to their new normal in as healthy a way as possible. 

Be pleasant

Don’t bottle up emotions, but being civil and pleasant for your kids will only help. Divorce isn’t a pleasant process but when it’s over, it’s over. There’s no reason to carry the grudge and make that a burden that your kids need to bear. And being pleasant – when you have nothing tied to each other – makes negotiating things in the future all the more easier. 

Divorce is tough on kids. Don’t make it harder for them than it needs to be. Keep the common goal in mind – and you’ll navigate the waters as seamlessly as possible. Going through the process of separation and divorce is only the first step when it comes to rebuilding your life. Do your best to make sure you start off on the right foot.