Getting divorced isn’t easy – and you’ll have a lot of new things to adapt to as part of your ‘new normal.’ One of those is going to be placing boundaries on your soon to be ex-spouse. You’re going to be doing a lot of things on your own now – from making living arrangements, to separate bank accounts and even establishing visitation rights with your kids.
Today, we’re going to discuss some of the things you’ll need to do to establish boundaries and put each other in the best possible place to live your life past the end of your marriage. Let’s jump right in!
Divorces tend to be a very emotional experience and feelings can get easily hurt and anger is a common occurrence. That’s why it’s important to try to limit communication. Don’t keep calling and texting trying to find out what the other is doing. And if your ex is constantly communicating with you for no reason – refer them to your attorney. What communication you do have should be brief and to the point. Refrain from discussing old issues – as they’re not going to solve themselves. Stick to one topic and then end the communication.
This is important, not only because it helps keep things on track and prevents the past from becoming an ongoing issue – but it will also help you begin the process of emotionally moving on and distancing yourself.
Your life, your rules
It’s OK if you want to remain friends. It’s also OK if you want to distance yourself as much as possible. You need to establish rules and boundaries as you see fit as this is your life now – not both of your lives.
And with the exception of your children (if you have them) – don’t worry about making decisions together. You are no longer an ‘us’ and it’s important that you continue to grow as an independent, self-reliant individual. If you need advice, lean on friends and family – or if need be, ask a professional.
This is your life and you’ll have to establish the boundaries and parameters that will dictate your path.
It’s OK to feel pain, but it’s also OK to be excited
You’d be surprised that the number 1 emotion most couples express at the end of a divorce proceeding is relief. For themselves and each other. No one wants to be in a poor relationship and divorces are, if nothing else – a second chance to live your life and hit the reset button. It’s a clean start.
You’ll be able to see your friends when you want, and pursue a hobby that seems interesting. Your spouse no longer dictates how you spend your day. You’re not tied to their interests. That in and of itself, is empowering and as such – it’s OK to be excited! The best is yet to come!
Setting boundaries after a divorce is difficult, but now you’ll be playing by a whole new set of rules determined by you. While it might seem intimidating, it should also be seen as a chance to become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Good luck!